


Jailhouse Mock

by htbthomas



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Bickering, Chocolate Box Exchange 2019, Gen, Jail, Season/Series 05, Sibling Bonding, Treat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-15
Updated: 2019-02-15
Packaged: 2019-10-27 07:51:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17762750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/htbthomas/pseuds/htbthomas
Summary: Alexis and David spend a night in jail.





	Jailhouse Mock

**Author's Note:**

  * For [elegantstupidity](https://archiveofourown.org/users/elegantstupidity/gifts).



"Um, excuse me?" Alexis flips a lock of raven hair over her shoulder. "I think you've made a _terrible_ mistake? I shouldn't be in here." Her voice carries down the hallway, echoing slightly. But if anyone can hear it, she has no idea. "Hello? This is, like, unlawful arrest or something." She turns to David, sitting on the bench against the wall. It's not even a real jailhouse bench, it looks more like a pew they repurposed from the old church. 

"You can't even do the voice, god," David says, half covering his face with one hand. "It's more, 'ex _cu-uz_ me,' And a few less ums and likes and your voice rising at the end of words? Like this? Like, you're still sixteen?"

Alexis takes a few steps toward David and whips off the wig, holding it out toward him. "First, fine, _you_ be Mom if you're so good at it. And second, when I was sixteen I could totally pull off sixty; that time in Reykjavik with the lions is proof."

David sits up, offended. "Sixty!" he gasps. "Don't let Mom hear you even breathe that. And I could out-Mom you in circles, but if you think I'm going to touch that after it's been on your veterinarian-adjacent head, you are sorely mistaken. Plus, how did that even end up on your person?"

"I am very good at hiding things on my person." She smiles, a proud tilt to her head. Proceeding to tuck the wig away in her bra as she talks, she adds, "Also that time in Reykjavik."

"So you just..." He waves his hands in front of him, wrists flopping every which way to punctuate his disgust. "...randomly... had that on you."

"Well, you see, Ted and I were—"

"Stop."

"—planning to try—"

" _Stop!_ If you say one more word, I swear—"

"—Ted had this horse when he was a kid—"

" _OH MY GOD, KILL ME NOW._ " David jumps up and rushes the bars. " _JAILER! I DEMAND SEPARATE ACCOMMODATIONS!_ "

"Yeah, right," Alexis scoffs. "I bet they only have this one cell and they throw everyone in here together. Like they did with me and the lions."

David slumps. "You're probably right. Oh my god, I hope Patrick gets here soon." He walks back over to the bench and collapses back onto it dramatically.

Alexis joins him, nudging his leg with hers. "Aw, I'm sure he will whenever he gets your text."

"Or whenever Stevie comes out of hiding and tells someone where we are."

"Do you think she will, though?" she says, not at all convinced.

His lip crinkles upward. "I'm not counting on it." He smiles, then says with a little sigh of satisfaction, "But it was worth it to spray paint the town sign." 

"Totally."

"Do you think they'll get the problem this way?"

"Because we painted in a strap-on dildo?" She shakes her head. "I'm not counting on it."

David shrugs, then nudges her with his shoulder. "I'm sure Ted will get here right after Patrick bails me out."

Alexis raises a shocked hand to her chest. "You mean Patrick will get here right after Ted bails _me_ out, of course."

"As if."

When Ted and Patrick do arrive, it's at the same time. And they find the siblings slumped against each other, David's head on Alexis' shoulder, both fast asleep.

"Aw," Patrick says. "Maybe we should just let them rest."

"They do look cute," Ted agrees.

"But they'd probably kill us," Patrick says.

Ted nods his head vigorously. "Oh, definitely."


End file.
